I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
