Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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