is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
