I want to walk on stilts...naked
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize