We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
