dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
