I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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