I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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