Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
