Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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