Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
