The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
