He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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