I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
