Did you just see the Batmobile???
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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