Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
