It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
