then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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