you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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