I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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