am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
