Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
