I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
