White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
