arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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