Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
