glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
