and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
