im six kinds of drunk right now
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
