i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
