The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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