The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
