Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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