I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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