i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Still dying that you shit outside
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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