I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize