Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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