We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
