I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
