Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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