Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize