Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
