yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
