My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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