and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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