I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
They have beer where we have blood.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
