Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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