its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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