dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize