Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
