do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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