Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
