I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize