Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
