went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize