I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
