i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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