At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
