Pants 0. Shit 1.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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