he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
