So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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