it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
