I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize