I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
