Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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