bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize