I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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