i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
