When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
