thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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