Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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