i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
