It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
