Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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