So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
