He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
